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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Penned By Jeb Kinnison
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Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Penned By Jeb Kinnison
4.85 79,268 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
Jeb Kinnison’s previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who’d like help deciding if they should stick with it. The reason why there is so much interest is the large number of people in relationships with Avoidants who struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. And it’s also true that the Avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well—retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give. The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is!) Yet there is some hope—though it may take years and require educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication, if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done. How can you tell if your partner is avoidant? Does your partner: • Seem not to care how you feel? • Frequently fail to respond to direct questions or text messages? • Accuse you of being too needy or codependent? • Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them? • Act coldly toward your children and the needy? • Remind you that he or she would be fine without you? • Withhold sex or affection as punishment? If that sounds familiar, then your partner is likely avoidant. At about 25% of the population, Avoidants have shorter, more troubled relationships, and tend to divorce more frequently and divorce again if remarried. What can be done? Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security, and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious-preoccupied partner, therapy can help there, as well. Insecure partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern, and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them. Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners, the depth of their problems, and their motivation and ability to change over time. But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved, and the people in them can learn to be happier, with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other. For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types, a beefed-up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included. Regular readers of JebKinnison.com will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted there.

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Length 229 Pages
Imprint Jeb Kinnison Publishing
Released October 2, 2014
Identifier (ISBN) 23350455
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Jeb Kinnison
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Jeb Kinnison

After spending years working in the corporate world, Jeb Kinnison finally decided to pursue a lifelong passion for writing. They currently reside in a quiet suburb where they spend most of their time outlining new stories, reading extensively, and occasionally attempting to bake.

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Daniel Phillips
Daniel Phillips September 29, 2025
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
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"A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
Andrew Hill
Andrew Hill January 11, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall."
David Hernandez
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"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
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Kenneth Gonzalez January 02, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Linda Wright
Linda Wright May 23, 2024
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
Joshua Gonzalez
Joshua Gonzalez September 27, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
James Hernandez
James Hernandez May 22, 2024
"I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Edward Miller
Edward Miller April 02, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall."
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Ashley Thompson
Ashley Thompson November 05, 2025
"I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading."
Joshua Evans
Joshua Evans October 29, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
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"Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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Eric  Davis
Eric Davis April 17, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
David Thompson
David Thompson January 19, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Kenneth Hill
Kenneth Hill July 16, 2025
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem."
Nancy Cruz
Nancy Cruz October 27, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
Linda  Parker
Linda Parker August 25, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Michael Martinez
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"It was adequate. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Jessica Jackson
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel."
Robert Cruz
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading."
Elizabeth  Davis
Elizabeth Davis September 28, 2025
"Not entirely to my refined tastes. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes."
John Wilson
John Wilson February 10, 2024
"A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Barbara Campbell
Barbara Campbell February 27, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem."
Ashley White
Ashley White September 10, 2024
"A decent, if standard, experience. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
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Emily Robinson June 08, 2025
"It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. A fair 3 stars."
Kenneth White
Kenneth White January 20, 2025
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall."
Kenneth White
Kenneth White October 21, 2024
"A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Linda  Parker
Linda Parker November 16, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Jessica Rivera
Jessica Rivera March 28, 2025
"It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Dorothy Martinez
Dorothy Martinez September 20, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Joseph Rivera
Joseph Rivera April 13, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
Nicholas Baker
Nicholas Baker August 19, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
Charles Perez
Charles Perez November 03, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Laura Thomas
Laura Thomas October 17, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall."
Joseph Harris
Joseph Harris June 26, 2025
"A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Jennifer Rodriguez
Jennifer Rodriguez March 17, 2025
"A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
James Phillips
James Phillips November 30, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Andrew Green
Andrew Green September 24, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Andrew Thomas
Andrew Thomas September 24, 2024
"Not entirely to my refined tastes. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. A fair 3 stars."
Daniel Sanchez
Daniel Sanchez March 08, 2024
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Andrew Wright
Andrew Wright February 26, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Deborah Lee
Deborah Lee January 15, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Andrew Cruz
Andrew Cruz March 26, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Emily Brown
Emily Brown June 14, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Gary Hernandez
Gary Hernandez September 22, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Robert White
Robert White February 11, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Sarah Flores
Sarah Flores November 09, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
Donald Wright
Donald Wright February 12, 2024
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Linda Clark
Linda Clark December 24, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Karen King
Karen King October 27, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Paul Jackson
Paul Jackson February 05, 2025
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Richard Phillips
Richard Phillips July 17, 2025
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall."
Deborah Walker
Deborah Walker April 01, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Donald Ramirez
Donald Ramirez March 02, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me."
Emily Hall
Emily Hall September 13, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Donna Nelson
Donna Nelson March 10, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Mary King
Mary King May 21, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
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