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Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Penned By Leanne Shirtliffe
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84,953 Global Ratings
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Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Penned By Leanne Shirtliffe
4.85 84,953 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
"Leanne Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!" —Elizabeth Boyle, New York Times best-selling author~As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:•The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.•The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks.•The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie."•The horror of glitter.And much more!A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' college, eh, therapy fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

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Length 272 Pages
Language En-US
Imprint Skyhorse Publishing
Released May 1, 2013
Identifier (ISBN) 16161762
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Leanne Shirtliffe
The Mind Behind the Work
Leanne Shirtliffe

Leanne Shirtliffe writes contemporary fiction and has always been fascinated by character-driven stories. They hold a degree in English Literature and previously worked as an editor before transitioning to writing their own books. Leanne Shirtliffe lives with their spouse and a very vocal rescue cat.

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David Walker
David Walker June 16, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Anthony Harris
Anthony Harris July 21, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem."
Sponsored Placement
Daniel Harris
Daniel Harris February 19, 2025
"A decent, if standard, experience. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Susan Cruz
Susan Cruz December 12, 2025
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Linda Phillips
Linda Phillips November 07, 2024
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
Mark Gomez
Mark Gomez October 26, 2025
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Joseph Sanchez
Joseph Sanchez November 14, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Karen Jackson
Karen Jackson September 24, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Anthony Turner
Anthony Turner May 03, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel."
Anthony Turner
Anthony Turner March 13, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Deborah Wilson
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"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Edward Gonzalez
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem."
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Sarah Robinson
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
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Emily Rivera
Emily Rivera April 17, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Karen Brown
Karen Brown March 26, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me."
Robert Gomez
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"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading."
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Matthew Carter
Matthew Carter June 10, 2025
"A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall."
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
James Wilson
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Kimberly White
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"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Edward Miller
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Joseph Reyes
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Matthew Carter
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Paul Jackson
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"I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
Laura Torres
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"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Matthew Carter
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
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"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
Susan Perez
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Steven Jones
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"I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Cynthia Taylor
Cynthia Taylor August 24, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Betty Hill
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"I find myself somewhat conflicted. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Patricia Moore
Patricia Moore December 08, 2025
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
Jacob Phillips
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"Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars."
Cynthia Moore
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
Amanda Roberts
Amanda Roberts August 21, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
William Nguyen
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"An acceptable diversion. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars."
Donald  Davis
Donald Davis February 05, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Steven King
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"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Emily Carter
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"Not entirely to my refined tastes. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
Charles Taylor
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"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Sarah Gomez
Sarah Gomez July 23, 2025
"An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perfectly average."
Betty Green
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"A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
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"I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Susan Taylor
Susan Taylor September 29, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
Laura Brown
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Matthew  Davis
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"Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
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"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
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"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Gary Brown
Gary Brown September 30, 2024
"It was adequate. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes."
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"A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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Joseph Cruz December 15, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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Ashley Garcia December 22, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall."
Paul Jackson
Paul Jackson November 16, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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Karen Brown March 31, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
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Cynthia Moore August 16, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars."
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"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Richard Rivera
Richard Rivera November 01, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Laura Sanchez
Laura Sanchez October 01, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
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"I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars."
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"A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Jennifer Rivera
Jennifer Rivera October 28, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Eric Walker
Eric Walker February 02, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Deborah Brown
Deborah Brown July 04, 2024
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
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Joshua Jackson May 17, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
Andrew Torres
Andrew Torres March 02, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Patricia Robinson
Patricia Robinson October 17, 2025
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time."
James Lee
James Lee December 23, 2024
"A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Linda Phillips
Linda Phillips July 02, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall."
Linda Robinson
Linda Robinson December 21, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Kenneth Torres
Kenneth Torres September 28, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Susan Cruz
Susan Cruz June 06, 2025
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Brian White
Brian White September 27, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Laura Harris
Laura Harris January 29, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Matthew Smith
Matthew Smith April 10, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Paul Allen
Paul Allen September 25, 2025
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
George Campbell
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"A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes."
Gary Hill
Gary Hill May 07, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
Jennifer Rivera
Jennifer Rivera March 30, 2025
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Amanda Smith
Amanda Smith June 30, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Charles Collins
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"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Jennifer Ramirez
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Sharon Turner
Sharon Turner April 24, 2024
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes."
Emily Rivera
Emily Rivera May 15, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Steven Taylor
Steven Taylor December 18, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars."
Jennifer Diaz
Jennifer Diaz March 06, 2025
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Steven Taylor
Steven Taylor August 26, 2024
"I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
William Johnson
William Johnson March 11, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Brian Torres
Brian Torres June 15, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem."
Kimberly Jackson
Kimberly Jackson September 24, 2024
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
David Collins
David Collins October 28, 2025
"Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Paul Perez
Paul Perez February 24, 2025
"An acceptable diversion. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Donald Jackson
Donald Jackson April 27, 2025
"A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel."
Steven Jones
Steven Jones January 14, 2025
"A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me."
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