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Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

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Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

4.85 85,846 ratings · 3,118 reviews
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Overview: Author Dorothy Tennov, Ph.D., on Love and Limerence:It was over 35 years ago that, having become convinced through personal experience and the writings of others of the enormous significance of that aspect of the human reproductive process known as romantic love, I elected to explore the subject systematically.My journey of exploration occurred in three identifiable phases. During the first phase, the Phase of Wandering and Wondering Through Questionnaires and Testimonials, I was primarily involved in other topics, but the "love cards" assessments, in which students anonymously selected statements that applied to them and rejected those that did not, and the paper and pencil surveys submitted to groups continued to supply evidence of the importance of the topic, and of its prevalence, but I had not advanced beyond Shakespeare in understanding. Toward the end of that first phase, my emphasis had begun to shift from answers to questions posed by an investigator to the collection of personal testimonies, those of volunteers as well as those of published autobiographers, novelists, and historians. Transition to the second phase, the Phase of Limerence, was abrupt. It happened in the fall of 1973. Earlier that year I had presented the first formal paper on the subject at the meetings of the American Psychological Association. That paper, titled "Sex differences in romantic love among college students," was based entirely on questionnaire results. There were sex differences in pencil and paper reports, but, as I was later to learn, examination of the details of the experience revealed more sex similarities than differences in the phenotypical experience. The discovery, later that year, of people who had not, did not and apparently could not imagine themselves having the experience that I was describing, marked a turning point. By the time of a second formal paper in 1977, I had arrived at the conceptions found in Love and Limerence, and had begun to write the book. The third phase began with the publication of Love and Limerence. It was the Phase of Confirmation. Love and Limerence was based largely on interviews that exposed the weakness of paper and pencil assessments. The words of love admitted of different meanings. New data in the form of voluntary written testimonials poured in from readers of the book. Many of these letters used the same "What you describe is exactly what happened to me." Others thanked me for allowing them to know that they were not alone, that as crazy as the condition was, it was not a sign of mental ill-health, but a normal phenomenon. The state was one of madness, but the person undergoing the experience was not (necessarily) mad. In hindsight, it should not seem surprising to the human nature scientist that there should be built into us through evolution control over reproductive functioning that supercedes other motivations. According to what I refer to as Limerence Theory, limerence is an interaction between the feelings of one person and the actions of another. It appears to occur across sexual, racial, age, cultural, and other categories of humans and it endures as long as do the conditions that sustain it. When intense, it crowds other motives out of the psyche. It should be noted that Limerence is not synonymous with meanings customarily attached to the term "infatuation." Furthermore, and most importantly, it is entirely absent in some relationships and in some people. Finally, in my judgment, both limerence and nonlimerence represent normal functioning. Limerence presents problems for the modern individual, causing inattention to other aspects of life, especially to responsibilities and to other relationships. Limerence for someone other than the spouse is a major cause of marital and family disruption. Furthermore, the limerent's behavior may hinder rather than enhance a relationship with the desired person if a response in kind does not occur. When frustrated, limerence may produce such severe distress as to be life threatening. People's reaction to Limerence Theory depends partly on their acquaintance with the evidence for it and partly on personal experience. People who have not experienced limerence are baffled by descriptions of it and sometimes resistant to the evidence that it exists. To such outside observers, limerence seems pathological. Although often the subject of romantic poetry and fiction, it has been called an addiction, an indication of low self-esteem, irrational, neurotic, erotomanic, and delusional. To people who are unacquainted with it first-hand, it inconceivable that any person should assign so much importance to another person. Fortunately, direct experience is not necessary to someone who reads the evidence. There are many scientifically known phenomena that are not directly perceivable. Although self-report is traditionally regarded with suspicion by scientists, reports ...

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Published January 1, 1979
ISBN 1398830
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Dorothy Tennov
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Dorothy Tennov is a writer and avid reader based in the Pacific Northwest. Before pursuing writing full-time, they spent over a decade working in education. When not working on their next book, Dorothy Tennov can usually be found hiking with their dog or trying out new coffee shops in their neighborhood.

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William Thomas
William Thomas April 17, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
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Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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Kimberly Lopez
Kimberly Lopez August 01, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Michelle Diaz
Michelle Diaz January 28, 2024
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Sarah Jackson
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Steven Campbell
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Joseph Rivera
Joseph Rivera November 05, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
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John Walker April 22, 2025
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I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
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A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall.
Kimberly Wright
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
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Joseph Torres June 29, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading.
Deborah Lopez
Deborah Lopez September 21, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Donald  Parker
Donald Parker May 21, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jessica Rivera
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Nancy Lee
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Robert Jackson
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A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Brian Gomez
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
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A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Jessica Hernandez January 21, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Rebecca King
Rebecca King June 15, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Joseph Sanchez
Joseph Sanchez January 23, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Robert Jackson
Robert Jackson May 27, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
John Edwards
John Edwards February 06, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
Karen Martin
Karen Martin August 12, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Paul White
Paul White November 10, 2024
A very strong entry. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
Christopher Miller
Christopher Miller September 04, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
Dorothy Nelson
Dorothy Nelson December 07, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Rebecca King
Rebecca King January 10, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Kimberly Diaz
Kimberly Diaz November 10, 2025
I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Jennifer Jackson
Jennifer Jackson March 25, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Sarah Diaz
Sarah Diaz November 26, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Charles Collins
Charles Collins November 24, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. A true literary gem.
John Campbell
John Campbell July 03, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Nicholas Harris
Nicholas Harris November 15, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Donna Martin
Donna Martin March 16, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Melissa Taylor
Melissa Taylor January 07, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Jacob Wright
Jacob Wright December 16, 2025
It was adequate. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Joseph Sanchez
Joseph Sanchez June 19, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Perfectly average.
Margaret Anderson
Margaret Anderson July 27, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
David Hall
David Hall June 15, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
James Collins
James Collins May 15, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Paul Anderson
Paul Anderson November 13, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Sarah Thomas
Sarah Thomas October 16, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Karen Edwards
Karen Edwards June 10, 2025
A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading.
Emily Brown
Emily Brown August 11, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Kimberly Adams
Kimberly Adams August 27, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Dorothy Brown
Dorothy Brown July 18, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Linda Walker
Linda Walker April 02, 2025
It was adequate. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. A fair 3 stars.
Cynthia Evans
Cynthia Evans September 05, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Karen Martinez
Karen Martinez May 11, 2024
A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Linda Jackson
Linda Jackson June 25, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Paul Anderson
Paul Anderson August 08, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Matthew Wilson
Matthew Wilson December 17, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Deborah Green
Deborah Green August 04, 2025
An acceptable diversion. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
George Campbell
George Campbell November 26, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
David Torres
David Torres March 06, 2025
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall.
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